By Kelsey and Lindsey
Welcome to the inaugural post in our Watch With Us series! We’re trying a kind of Mystery Science Theater 3000 premise in written form. Basically, this is going to be a series smack-talking through shows/movies.
We’re starting with Goosebumps, because why not? Get your Netflix account fired up, press play and read along with our banter, if you’re so inclined.
Goosebumps – “Calling All Creeps!”
Description: “It looks like Ricky’s lost, when he gets the creepy midnight calls!” (Wait, what?)
Lindsey: Ok…starting…NOW! I’m already scared.
Kelsey: This intro is golden.
Lindsey: I hate litter.
Kelsey: These names are so 1950s.
Lindsey: Ricky Beaver? What’s the difference between creeps and nerds to him?
Kelsey: He’s exhibiting signs of both right now.
Lindsey: I wonder what his favorite nickname is really. Did this kid grow up to be Big Dick Richie?
Kelsey: Should I know who that is?
Kelsey: No building is this easy to break into
Lindsey: Nevermind. You never saw Magic Mike.
Kelsey: Oooooooh. I actually did! Shame admission.
Drinking game: every time “weird” is mentioned in a Goosebumps episode
Lindsey: Side note: Joe Manganello (sp?) actually looked like this kid in high school.
Or rat. Or creep. Or nerd.
Ew. Is that kid eating an onion like an apple?
Kelsey: Like in Holes? And why was the 90s style to wear clothes 3x too big?
Lindsey: I did that.
Kelsey: Me too.
Who’s the kid in the beret?
Lindsey: I kind of want to do that as an adult. Comfy.
Kelsey: Eh. I just want sweat pants to be socially acceptable.
Kelsey: He says Tasha weird.
Lindsey: Even after the girl corrects him.
“You say Taysha, I say Taaasha…”
Kelsey: What 3rd grader has a phone in their bedroom?
Lindsey: Oh man – it’s a cool light phone.
Kelsey: There should really be some definition of a “creep”
Lindsey: I agree.
Kelsey: How do these kids know each other’s phone numbers?
Lindsey: And what kind of creep really owns the title? Especially with all the confusion on the definition, etc.
Kelsey: JEAN JACKET
Lindsey: That was back in the days when people memorized numbers.
They don’t seem that scary to me.
Why would you use paint? A marker would be much less messy.
Kelsey: Paint is much more melodramatic
Finally he puts the phone off the hook.
Lindsey: Duh, kid. I bet he’s got a gazillion messages from all the creeps.
Kelsey: *Walking alone in the woods* totally normal
Lindsey: Oh, I’ll just go for a hike in the woods by myself. Jinx!
Kelsey: What???!!!! Yesssssss
Kelsey: So a creep is a monster? That eat grasshoppers apparently
Lindsey: Well, it appears creeps are poorly costumed gooey yellow monsters.
Kelsey: with green bubble ears
Lindsey: Why did they take over the bodies of awkward pre-teens?
Kelsey: Prob no one would notice
The creep seeds are going in the tuna surprise? That’s not being refrigerated, currently.
Lindsey: The risk of food poisoning is the most horrifying thing so far.
Kelsey: What middle school has 7 lunch options?
Wait, why is he in the woods again?
Lindsey: This makes no sense.
Kelsey: Why does the cookie batter look the same as the tuna surprise?
“those creeps are real creepy”
I would have walked away. Later, BFF. Plastic lizards aren’t my thing.
Kelsey: Goosebumps = lessons in poor decision making
Lindsey: At least this is a very diverse student population.
Kelsey: With diverse headwear
That was a quick transformation.
Lindsey: This is an unexpected twist.
Kelsey: Is this some sort of commentary on school bullying?
Wait, that’s it?
If this is a commentary on school bullying, it basically says to bully right back.
Kelsey: This is what’s wrong with our generation.
Lindsey Solomon: We’re all creeps.
Thanks for playing along! Until the next episode…