By Kelsey and Lindsey

Welcome to the inaugural post in our Watch With Us series! We’re trying a kind of Mystery Science Theater 3000 premise in written form. Basically, this is going to be a series smack-talking through shows/movies.

We’re starting with Goosebumps, because why not? Get your Netflix account fired up, press play and read along with our banter, if you’re so inclined.

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Goosebumps – “Calling All Creeps!”

Description: “It looks like Ricky’s lost, when he gets the creepy midnight calls!” (Wait, what?)

Lindsey: Ok…starting…NOW! I’m already scared.

Kelsey: This intro is golden.

Lindsey: I hate litter.

Kelsey: These names are so 1950s.

Lindsey: Ricky Beaver? What’s the difference between creeps and nerds to him?

Kelsey: He’s exhibiting signs of both right now.

Lindsey: I wonder what his favorite nickname is really. Did this kid grow up to be Big Dick Richie?

Kelsey: Should I know who that is?

Lindsey: 555-0109

Kelsey: No building is this easy to break into

Lindsey: Nevermind. You never saw Magic Mike.

Kelsey: Oooooooh. I actually did! Shame admission.

Drinking game: every time “weird” is mentioned in a Goosebumps episode

Lindsey: Side note: Joe Manganello (sp?) actually looked like this kid in high school. 

Or rat. Or creep. Or nerd.

Ew. Is that kid eating an onion like an apple?

Kelsey: Like in Holes? And why was the 90s style to wear clothes 3x too big?

Lindsey: I did that.

Kelsey: Me too.

Who’s the kid in the beret?

Lindsey: I kind of want to do that as an adult. Comfy.

Kelsey: Eh. I just want sweat pants to be socially acceptable.

Lindsey: Heaven.

Kelsey: He says Tasha weird.

Lindsey: Even after the girl corrects him.

“You say Taysha, I say Taaasha…”

Kelsey: What 3rd grader has a phone in their bedroom?

Lindsey: Oh man – it’s a cool light phone.

Kelsey: There should really be some definition of a “creep”

Lindsey: I agree.

Kelsey: How do these kids know each other’s phone numbers?

Lindsey: And what kind of creep really owns the title? Especially with all the confusion on the definition, etc.

Kelsey: JEAN JACKET

Lindsey: That was back in the days when people memorized numbers.

BEDAZZLED.

They don’t seem that scary to me. 

Why would you use paint? A marker would be much less messy.

Kelsey: Paint is much more melodramatic

Finally he puts the phone off the hook. 

Lindsey: Duh, kid. I bet he’s got a gazillion messages from all the creeps.

Kelsey: *Walking alone in the woods* totally normal

Lindsey: Oh, I’ll just go for a hike in the woods by myself. Jinx!

Kelsey: What???!!!! Yesssssss

Lindsey: WHOA.

Kelsey: So a creep is a monster? That eat grasshoppers apparently

Lindsey: Well, it appears creeps are poorly costumed gooey yellow monsters.

Kelsey: with green bubble ears

Lindsey: Why did they take over the bodies of awkward pre-teens?

Kelsey: Prob no one would notice

The creep seeds are going in the tuna surprise? That’s not being refrigerated, currently.

Lindsey: The risk of food poisoning is the most horrifying thing so far.

Kelsey: What middle school has 7 lunch options?

Wait, why is he in the woods again?

Lindsey: This makes no sense.

Kelsey: Why does the cookie batter look the same as the tuna surprise?

“those creeps are real creepy”

Lindsey: #botulism

I would have walked away. Later, BFF. Plastic lizards aren’t my thing.

Kelsey: Goosebumps = lessons in poor decision making

Lindsey: At least this is a very diverse student population.

Kelsey: With diverse headwear

That was a quick transformation.

Lindsey: This is an unexpected twist.

Kelsey: Is this some sort of commentary on school bullying?

Wait, that’s it?

Lindsey: Ummmmm…

If this is a commentary on school bullying, it basically says to bully right back.

Kelsey: This is what’s wrong with our generation.

Lindsey Solomon: We’re all creeps.

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Thanks for playing along! Until the next episode…